Category: Life

A Long and Meaningful Conversation Gone Public

Sarah StrightLeave a comment
(I’m on the right, in purple, and my friend is the one not on the right or in purple)


14/11/07, 11:45 PM


u still chillaxin?

yes, i still am chillaxin’

haha
i thought you’d be asleep by now
are you back from work?

yeah
we closed a bit earlier than 10 so i was home by 10:30

sweet
so, what do u do when you have a little bit of extra time?
how do u spend it?

right now? online
i also read and watch the west wing, private practice, house, grey’s anatomy, and the office… all downloaded shows i watch on my laptop

no, i mean, when u have “you” time, what do u usually do?

that’s what i do

sweet

if i’m out, i get coffee and read
11:50 PM

yea, u r a reader

and i write every now and then, too
can’t live without books

i like ur blogs

thanks!
looks like i’m about to get a whole new design and i’m STOKED!!!

design?
i thought i’d have a great time at youth tonite
i got up early this morning
had a great meeting

and not so much?

had an inspired moment
wrote down what i thought would be a great message
was very excited about it

yeah my blog site is really generic… i’m gonna pay to have it overhauled by a pro with an original design, etc.

came together pretty good
wrote it all down
prayed about it
got ready
and by the end it felt like junk
it just didn’t feel right
it felt like it sucked

so did you switch it up?

i hate that
no
i was very confident all the way until i actually begin to deliver it
and because i thought it was very good
i tried to deliver it all
but as i was sharing it it didn’t make sense

11:55 PM

shit
i mean, crap!

hahahaha!!!!
shit!!!! u r funny
i love your “realness”
seriously

yup.
i love that i discovered the edginess of swearing at the right moments
hahaha
12:05 AM

u r funny

u r right

r u chatting with a thousand other people?

just one
right now
and looking into buying a book
and emailing the blog designer

which one?

which book?
No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog

u r a nerd!!!!!!!!
ha!

pretty much
but this blog thing is important to me
and i want it to be a truth destination

yeah, i can see that

not just a journal about what i’m having for lunch!

i admire it

i wanna inspire people to be more honest
which is a challenge for me ’cause it means i have to be really honest with myself

well, to be honest
u do inspire me

well right on!

12:10 AM

i am inspired to be honest with myself too
and working on being more honest with people
and to be honest, i am not doing the best lately
being in the US right now has taken the life out of me
i do not feel alive
like my regular self
it sucks!!!

for me, i think it’s living outside of YWAM

i love God so much
but i feel like an alien here

i feel like an alien outside of YWAM.

i don’t know
life is just different

could it be part of that yearning for heaven thing?
feeling lonely ’cause we need more of God?

i think so
being heaven bound

or maybe part of the church culture that exhausts you?

yeah
that too

i really just can’t stand it all
i mean, church, en si*, is good!!

it just always feels like you are the odd one around
yeah

but it’s just how we’ve come to do it that eats the life out of people!

yeah

just read a really interesting and truth-full book called So You Don’t Want to go to Church Anymore by jake Colsen

ok…

it’s the fictional story of Jake and how he meets a man named John who seems to have known Jesus in person, that’s how much he has the truth of God deep inside of him
12:15 AM

cool

each chapter is about a different conversation Jake has with John and how John helps Jake find God’s truth for himself, which happened outside of a church building
but it’s very clear that it’s not anti-church or anything

that sounds like an interesting book to read
yeah, i know

just talks about how we’ve made church into a self-serving institution
that teaches people how to fail, pretty much

it’s so hard to look at church and see what is wrong with it without being negative

free-thinking is frowned upon
programs are emphasized, etc.

yeah

anyway, it was very enlightening and an easy read… pick it up if you can!

i have had a hard time trying to figure out what is worth saying and what is not at youth group

hmm yeah i have the same struggle with youth people themselves

haha

i have a study group that’s me, a 25-year-old guy who was raised catholic and has been reading the bible and discovering faith for a year
then a handful of 16-18 year-olds
some of whom grew up entrenched in the pentecostal church

interesting
wow

and another who only recently “got saved”

“got saved”?

and knows virtually nothing about “christianity”

ha!

well she uses that term now because that’s how all the pentecostals called it
but i personally don’t love it

yeah

and i’m afraid she’s already getting a stilted view of what faith is, just like her christian youth group friends have grown up with

man…

it’s a very crazy mix… me growing up one way and then almost flipping over to have a faith that looks SO different!
i feel like a doctor in theology with them

hahaha!
i know

anyway, i talk to them about faith and church, and i really have to try hard not to diss the church that most of them attend
because that’s their reality!

yeah
i struggle with the same things

but i try to talk about other perspectives and point out ways that could be better to do things, and how i have my own personal opinions, and some things work better for other people

12:20 AM

like we do not think we are better

but i DO think their (recently it was mine, too) church is sick and i’m actually scared of what they might learn there

just more aware, maybe, of the futility of this life and are longing for that “more” in Jesus

well, and the freedom that comes when faith doesn’t have to take the rigid shape of sundays and wednesdays, tithes and small groups!

that is where i am, at least
yeah

where people desire to gather and they do, spontaneously, and God-conversation happens over meals because poeple are hungry for him, not because you’re striving, planning to have people to gather because that’s what christians DO!

but u feel so odd because everyone else thinks u r a heretic, a crazy son of a gun

yup
sorry – i’m passionate about this, as you can tell

of course

and i have to work on the balance of not hating on the entire church as a whole!!

well, i need to hear it and share it too

recently i heard that the vast majority of north american churches are gaining people only because people are switching churches from “dead” ones
few new converts come in and few churches are being planted
wow, huh!?

yeah
i had heard that
most of the growth is people switching chrches
there is really no outreach mentality
it’s all programs
and tradition

yup
grrr it makes me just… i don’t know… it makes me feel gross!!!

and religious institutional shit
ooops
crap

haha there you go!!!

sorry
yup

12:25 AM

hahahaha!

um. I’M not offended!

i know
i am just laughing hard right now

hahahaha
nice

it’s cool to have a friend like you

one of the things that turned me off most about my church is what i call the Superficial Bullshit that hits you in the face as soon as you walk in the door

i am so glad we can talk about this

like…

superficial “hey, how are you?!” ‘s when people don’t know ANYTHING about you besides who your mother is and where you work

yeah

like feeling the need to say “God bless you” to every person you see… because that’s the loving thing to do
what does that even mean?

i feel so bad because there are people in church who really need God

i mean, i know God can and does bless people, and isn’t it sweet to wish that for someone, but is it actually heartfelt??

and yet, we are so burnt out doing the “other things”

i found such a lack of deep relationship, hardly any pursuit of friendship outside the doors of the church, a group of people who don’t KNOW each other, they just know about each other

that we do not have the energy to give any more because we are spent by everything else

yeah, so burnt out trying to keep people in our churches!
right??

right!

imagine if we weren’t so close-fisted about our buildings and our schedules and our rituals

i think this is the longest chat conversation i’ve ever had
!!!!!!!

haha you don’t hang with me often enough!

ha!
i guess

12:30 AM

continuing on…. imagine if we didn’t try to make sure our financial butt was covered, if the majority of a church’s finances weren’t focused inward

well

imagine if our kids could ask “why” questions about God and faith

love it
i think for me the most riddling thing is why leadership is so concerned about image
and what things might look like
and the lack of communication and trust
and the lack of confidence and team work

yeah. HATE the image bit!!

right now at our church no one seems to be enjoying working together
brandon** left already

wow! didn’t know that.

nancy**, (one of the staff members with the longest tenure) and one of the most faithful is thinking of leaving too

and why are they leaving?

the new pastor is just basically calling the shots and not communicating real well with anyone

yikes

and anytime one of us shares an idea or even points out a few things about his ideas, he basically shuts them down

oh my
classic for practically sending people running from your church!
i see why you don’t work at your office!

12:35 AM

like, my wife and i have gone a few times into his office to share with him how we feel and stuff, without complaining (or trying not to) and just wanting some communication or feedback, but none was given
ha!

yeah

i feel bad
cause i feel like i do not really like him
and i am praying that i learn to love him anyways

but you work for him

regardless

and you’re supposed to like him, he’s your pastor
yeah

God is good
and he is really, really faithful
we are here, and we won’t give up until our work is finished
but man, it just seems to get harder every week

sort of heavy, huh?

yeah
but, oh well
life wasn’t meant to be a joyride
specially in the ministry

no, but we were meant to have freedom in Christ

we know that

i mean…

yeah

you do have a purpose there, i’m sure

of course

and we all have to sacrifice

even though at times is hard to see
or remember

but you can still live in freedom
from the things that bind many “christians”

yeah, like drinking a beer tonite

sweet

and hopefully others will be inspired

nice!!
hey i’m thinking of putting some of this conversation on my blog site, edited, of course… would you mind?

nope
i’d be honored

sweet!

hey girl, and friend, i gotta go
sleepy time

okay. buenas noches

bye

Edited for spelling, clarity, and anonymity.

* “en si” – in and of itself
** Not their real names

So Not Okay

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

Using the words I hear so often as I make my way through the seasons of The West Wing, I would like to issue a statement. Guess that makes you the press.

Despite the recent silence on this end of ATransparentLife.com, life has been anything but uneventful for me. The events include an eight-hour road trip to Ohio for the wedding of a friend, which became a mini YWAM Monterrey reunion; witnessing Remembrance Day ceremonies on television for the first time in a long time; getting two winter coats for $70; living through the first snowfall of the season; oh, and moving back into my mom

Nesting

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

Hi, I’m Sarah, and I’m nesting.

Yes, it may be addictive, and perhaps there is no way to get it completely out of your system, but I have to find some way to deal! To me, it makes sense: I’m 26. I thought I’d be long married by now, or at least have a degree!

I lived away from mommy for most of six years, then moved back in for 10 months, after which I moved a few minutes away, in with friends. Mommy agrees that living with her again isn’t something she expects her kids to do well. Phew.

The friends have been great. Very tolerant and flexible. But how long would you really like to have your wife’s friend living just over the wall from your bedroom? Coming in late and sleeping in late? Paying you next to nothing? Honestly, we’re good. But I don’t want to push it, and besides, I want to nest!

Please, can I? Have my own little corner of the world? Where I’m the only one responsible? Be able to spread out into the kitchen and the living room, too?

The possibility of loneliness comes to mind. There is something about someone caring whether you come in at night or not that helps to calm the mind. So I’ve thought about maybe getting a pet. That’s complicated, too, because I’m not really a cat person, but dogs need more attention than I’ll be able to give them, I think!

So I’m looking for my corner. If you see it, let me know.

the flies are lethargic but i had a wonderful day

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

Today was an unexpectedly wonderful solitary restful holiday day. Who could have imagined, after getting (or taking) only a handful of chances to hit the beach all summer, that I would be able to enjoy its inspirational warmth and beauty on the day after Thanksgiving?!

I got up late (again) and rushed to my massage appointment. I feel like I wrote that as if massage appointments are part of my regular life, but they

GrownUpVille: Reality in Fast-Forward

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

I have little time to write today because I’m in Responsibility Hyper-Drive.

My mom’s health has taken a turn for the, uh, more serious, so as not to say “worse”, and she’s currently unable to take care of many of the everyday things of her life. That leaves me, a single, unsettled 26-year-old doing what no one in my station in life should have to do: paying Mom’s bills, rearranging lawyer’s appointments, becoming the primary contact for my younger siblings, etc.

If you thought I was mature and strong before this, look out! I will be able to take on pretty much anything, even perhaps a stray satellite falling to earth at thousands of miles per hour, aimed somewhere between your house and mine. I’ll be able to talk about finances and invalid care and insurance and parenting with the experts, having substantial experience already.

Wow I can’t even think clearly enough to be as witty as I’d like to be in this post, so I’ll sign off. But not before I tell you how adorable I look in my new fake glasses from Claire’s, with my hair straightened with my new fancy HotTools flat iron!

(Oops) I did it again

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

For those who are on the forefront of Facebook gossip, here is my statement. For those that aren’t, you (hopefully) heard it here first.

Written Friday, August 24th, The Day It Happened.

I did it again. If there were a how-to book on doing relationships poorly, I

About to Be…

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

… the owner of a gold 2000 Pontiac Sunfire, whom I’ve dubbed Sasha.

As soon as we can figure out financing and all that jazz.

Finding the car was the easy part. Financing it is a whole other story. According to my bank, the car is only worth $3600, so that’s all they can lend me. I owe about $5500 after making a down payment of $1000. Nowhere will you find a decent 2000 car with just over 100 000 kilometres for less than $5500 plus tax and fees and safetying and all that jazz! The bank is dreaming.

So. I’m looking into other methods. Welcome, me, to GrownUpVille… not sure how happy I am to be here, but having wheels will make it all worthwhile… I’m pretty sure.

Floundering in GrownUpVille

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

I don’t have much time to write this, but I AM online, so I really should take the opportunity to write.

I found out last week that the plates expire on the vehicle I’ve been driving, which belongs to my mom, and I don’t really want to keep driving the beastly red van if I don’t have to. The dilemma begins when you throw in the fact that I’m planning to head to Indianapolis sometime next month.

Jimi has his very savvy father, L, to help him with these kinds of decisions. Together, they’re a team I wouldn’t want to get in the way of when they’re on a mission. Here, in GodRock, I don’t have that kind of direct ally in the word of everything grown-up and official and financial. I’ve just been floating along somehow, though most people my age have had loans and debt for years ’cause university tends to do that to you.

I need wheels. But do I get one here or wait till the US? What will taking a car over the border entail? Insurance? What do I get if I renew the plates on the van for another month? Do I put up with more gas-sucking??

With help, I found a good deal today on a mechanically sound 2000 Sunfire. I like it. I think it’s a good decision.

Can I get a loan? Should I get a line of credit?? Or the biggie: Who is brave enough to co-sign for me? Is it wise to take on a car payment when I don’t know what my income will be this fall? Or do I trust all that to the Big Man Upstairs?

Like I said, I feel like I’m floundering. Got some solid wisdom or the guts to co-sign?! Let me know!

Life is Happening

Sarah StrightLeave a comment

Looong weekend with Boyfriend (Jimi) was great… we did a lot and had a lot of fun and even had a mini-meltdown where we were both annoyed with each other about where we’d eat out our last night together. I cried. I really didn’t want to do anything at all with him for a while, but he didn’t let me run away. He picked a place and it was good and we talked it through and all was good and we are the better for it.

Living with S & K has been great… they are way too good to me and I’m totally spoiled. The only kind of annoying part but also kind of a life-saver this summer is that I’ve given up my wireless internet for dial-up. Annoying because I’m a bit of an addict, but life-saving because I won’t have time for it this summer anyway.

I finally started training for my second job last night. Looks like I’m the oldest server they’ll have on this, their first summer in business. I’m stoked about this place, an English pub called The Brew’n Arms which will be serving traditional English food, including curry, steak and kidney pie, fish n’ chips, Baps (sandwiches on crusty rolls), mushy peas, and much more. I’m going to learn how to make a proper “cuppa” (that’s tea), and yes, the water has to be boiled every time and the kettle warmed and the tea is loose, not bagged. Of course, we have lots of beer and definitely Guiness! Me being a bit of a techie geek, I’m very excited about the touch-screen POS (Point of Sale) system we have for ordering the food, organizing our tables, and cashing out our customers… yeah. I’m a dork.

I’m now 26 years old and have officially bid “adieu” to 25. For my birthday, I had people over for a campfire complete with hot dogs and marshmallows and drinks, etc. Nothing too dramatic, too complicated, or too self-centered. Simple and fun… a great way to celebrate another year of life!

I’m listening to MIKA (Life in Cartoon Motion), Myriad (You Can’t Trust a Ladder), India.Arie(Acoustic Soul), Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s version of “Somewhere over the Rainbow”, and Frank Sinatra’s “The Coffee Song (They’ve Got a Lot of Coffee in Brazil)”. I’m reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, and Mansfield Park by Jane Austen, and I’m puzzling over Luke 17:7-10.

You?