I have a cyber boyfriend. (gasp!)

We met on MySpace. (whaaaaaaat?!)

We’ve been “officially” together since January, and so far I’ve spent no more than 14 days actually with him, face to face. (foolish!)

Enter Jimi.

Jimi just turned 24 (yup, 2 years younger than me). He’s a tiny bit shorter than me, and my hands dwarf his. But his feet are bigger, so that’s a relief. Jimi is very skilled at dressing himself (phew!) and likes to keep a bit of stubble around at all times (sexy!). There is no way our kids (chill–that’s if we get married and have them) will be able to escape having thick hair or green eyes. Or wittiness or quirkiness or a good sense of self-awareness or a love of reading or a great taste in music.

Apparently I’m perfect for Jimi. He claims he’s never met a girl so witty or smart (or hot, of course!) all at the same time. Not that there aren’t moments in which I annoy him… there are. But Jimi deals with them and recovers from them nicely. And somehow continues to be (sometimes dorkily) charming in spite of it.

Jimi gets me like no one else ever has. He’s not intending to usurp my best girl-friends, but there just seems to be this connection we have. At times we have to fight to communicate well and sometimes we wonder (me more than him) if we’re meant to connect for the rest of our lives or not.

Honestly, I’m a waverer in this relationship. Some days, I’m thrilling about how well this guy loves me, how well he treats me, how much fun we have together, how amazing it is to be able to tell him anything (and yes, I do mean anything), how tolerant he is of my (occasional??) moodiness, how loved I feel when he prays for us, the feeling of security and contentment I have when I’m with him, how mind-blowing it is that he’s cool with my “strong calling” (loosely meaning I’m not ever gonna be the normal pastor’s-wifey housewifey working-9-to-5 type and I won’t just be able to follow him around… he might have to follow me at times) and spiritual leadership (and that he makes a great spiritual leader of me), and so much more.

Other days, I’m wondering. Wondering if he could possibly be as good as I think he is. Wondering if this is really what God wants for me. Wondering if I’d be missing out on something else (better?! is that possible?!) if I choose Jimi forever and always. And then there’s the part about not always being physically attracted to him (whaat?!) (yes, he’s aware of it, it didn’t bowl him over, and he took it like a man). Is it worth throwing out the rest of an amazing relationship with an amazing man for?

Jimi wants to marry me. Wow!

I love him. And most days, I know I’d love to be married to him. What do I do about the days that I wonder? Will there always be wondering in any relationship? Is it always mostly about choosing someone and then choosing to love them for the rest of your given days?

I have a boyfriend. His name is Jimi. He’s amazing. And yes, he’ll read this post.